savoy050

My life is like a delicate game of Perfection. It takes me forever to get all the little pieces of my life in order and put in the right place, but once the pieces are all where they belong, life is worth living.  I want to be alive.  I want to see what each day brings and I'm basically happy.  All is right with my world.  Depression isn't as big of a deal.  I can handle pain and sickness better.  I don't worry so much and I'm less anxious about everything. But inevitably, in as quick as 30 seconds everything in my life explodes. All the pieces go flying and I have to scramble to get them back where they belong.  The more often my Perfection game explodes, the longer it takes me to find the pieces and put everything back together.  And the more I have to continually play this horrific game of Perfection the less I want to. It's not fun.  I'm forgetting where everything goes and why it matters so much because it's all just going to blow up aga...

I've not been feeling well lately (I know, big surprise) so after an ER visit, a CT scan and a trip to Dr. GI, it was confirmed that my Crohn's is flaring in my colon again.  I'm back on Entocort and Pentasa and Dr. GI said if I'm not better in a month we'll have to talk about an anti-TNF drug like Humira or Remicade. I've felt horrible for so long but it's always been "nothing" because all the tests showed "nothing" being wrong.  Now all my tests are showing stuff wrong and it's becoming real (to others) that yes, I am an actual sick person.  It's not in my head.  I'm not making it up.  I'm not crazy!  The way I feel is finally justified. And that's how I felt for the first few moments.  But now reality has set in and I am kinda freaking out.  I'm sick. I have something wrong with me for real - a disease .  I have to take a lot of medications and they have big scary names and even worse side effects.  My body is g...